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My Uncle Dugan's Stories

OCTOBER 26, 2003

Bo's Journal:

7:30 AM- It's the mornin of the AU/UT game! I woke up in the back of Benny-Bob's pickup, he ain't no where around. I finished off the resta the Miller next to me, and wenst ta find a tree!

As I wuz standin thar wizzin on the tree, a man come up to me from behind! He told me I dint need ta be a peein on the tree, right thar beside the Libary and all. I promised him I'd stay back behind the dorms from now on.

7:45 AM- I finished my b'nes and went ta look fer Benny-Bob, on the way ta look, I found four cups of left-over dranks from the fridey nite party! I dun my Volinteer duty and helped clean up the campus! I dranked the dranks up, and throwed the cups and bottles in the trash!

9:15 AM-- I'm a gittin haungry! I still aint fount Benny-Bob! We still had ta drive up to mt eagle and git granny! Percy's grannym Mabel, she dun got her sum tickets offin Ebay, and sayd she waunted ta see the Bear agin 'fore she died! Me and Benny-Bob dunt need ner ticket cause he gots the hook up wid Mr. Roy. He gets us in free all the time! (I won't splain they relationship, it gets kinda strange if ya catch my drift.)

10:00-- They had sum kinda alum thang last nite too, fer'n all thu High n Mightys whut gives muney n all ta the skool. Me and BB din't attend, but I fount all they left over dranks! And food too! Still ain't fount Benny-Bob.

11:25-- I was a startin ta get aintsy, cuz time were slippin away, and BB still ain't showed. When all a sudden, I seen the darndest thang! Here cum a big ole black limo up, and guess who stepped out!!! Benny-Bob! Mr. Roy dun give him a ride back home, and give him $50 too! WOW! We kin buy sum hard licker! (I wont splain whut he had to do fer the $50.)

12:00-- On are way! Headin out ta git granny! Should be back in plenty a time fer the game!

12:09-- Weuz stopped at the licker store, and as we pulled out, take a guess who follered us! Thats rite, Mr Sherifs Deputee! Benny-Bob wuz acten all weeeeeerd! So the Poliseman tuk us ta JAIL!

3:45-- Cudn't get in tuch wif NOBUDY! Here I sit! In a stanky ol JAIL cell! They got a TV in the cell on the end! I kin almost see it from my cell. They took Benny-Bob sumwhure else, cause he wuz a freakin out bad. I thank that Mr Roy musta give him sumthin! He dint look rite last time I seen him.

5:00-- Met a real nice feller named Mo Hommed. I thank he wants to watch the game with me, he aint no UT fan like me, but he likes to watch anythang with men. That whut he sayd.

6:45-- It's Gametime! Damit! They a watchin tha Wurld Serees! ...Suns a bitches! Maybe they'll change tha chanel... please... please!

7:30-- Mo Hammed tawked jibrish to one a dem widta TV, and gots em ta turn the chanel over. Sounded like UT wuz gettin kilt! Sum'n hollared out "You all a gettin that ass whooped!" and the TV went back to the Wurld Serees.

8:45-- I was about ta give it up and go ta sleep, when I heered sum'n hollaer... "Yawl STILL gettin yo ass whooped!"

9:30-- Just as I began to drool on my pillar, I woke to Mo Hammeds hand on my butt, and the final wurds I member... "Yo ASS got Whupped!"


Benny-Bob's Journal:

3:20 AM-- Left the party with Mr Roy, I wuz perty drunk. I member gettin to his hotel room, and he made me a drank. After I dranked it, I felt a'ight.. then all a sudden like, I started hearin trane whisles, and sireen noises in ma haid! Everthang sorta went balnk, and I was walkin twards the baed.

11:00 AM-- I woke up naked in a shower with cold water porin on me! My ass was sore as hell, I musta fell sumwhure! I always seem ta do that when Im wif Mr Roy! Eneyway, I got on up and got dried off, and fount my clothes. Then a feller cam in and said he'z sposeta take me home.

12:00-- I met up with Bo, and we wuz on are way! I dunt know whut cum over me! Won minit i was fine, next minit, i wuz trippin!

3:15-- Offiser Wane sayd he had ta put me in a spashul sell. It had pads all on the walls and floors!

9:00-- They give me some sorta pills, and I went Nite Nite!

It's sumetime the next day, and my but is still hurtin! Man! I musta fell hard!

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